Memories and Faults
by Ayumi Kairo
Summary: He was someone who could be saved from his evils. The question is, will the other hear his cry for help. RalphxJack rating may change
1. Return to Normalcy

**Note: I'm am branching way out from my normal fics. This is seriously a challenge for me. We just read LotF in my honors english class and I found myself to be the only one to actually enjoy the book. It couldn't have been because the whole time I was screaming at Jack and Ralph to stop playing their little hating game and show everyone how they really love each other. I only had one problem with it, I always pictured the kids as being a lot older. Well... see you after the chapter...**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately on your part you really can't sue me because I only have a really small T.V. and this computer. You won't get much from me, but just in case. I don't own any of this... LotF is solely the property of Mr. Golding. I must go cry now...**

Chapter I: Return to Normalcy

"…_I always wished that someday I would be acknowledged…To be someone for the others to look up to…I almost achieved my goal at one point…But to keep up with what I was doing would have eventually killed me too…What happened, I did not plan…What happened, I cannot change…The nightmares now come with feverish speed and consistency…From the looks of things I will go insane soon…Oh yes, insanity is most definitely a possibility…" _

-Jack Merridew

Taking that first step into the English room was comparable to being punched in the stomach for Jack Merridew. Screaming kids and various flying objects were almost over stimulating, even for someone like him. The nervousness crept its way down his throat and into his abdomen, burning on the way down. He swallowed back a wave of nausea and took another tentative step into the room. Clearing his throat he was able to calm the class down long enough for them to acknowledge his presence, however unthreatening as it was, and the teacher turned to the door and smiled gently at him.

"Jack," the woman of about sixty said in a sweet voice, "how good it is to see you again. Please do take your seat, no one has sat there yet."

He nodded and made his way to the back of the classroom. If he was aware of every pair of curious eyes boring into his back, he showed no sign of it. He just simply took his usual seat in the back corner and stared ahead. He tried his hardest not to deter his attention else where, for he'd missed a lot over the past month and a half.

He almost couldn't believe the number himself. He would often catch himself whispering it in the dark. When he was sleeping in a bed and had nothing else to do but let his mind wander to places he would rather leave alone.

"Forty-two." He found he was getting into a sort of routine with this nasty habit. He whisper the number again, though this time it was a little louder. He blushed slightly when the person beside him turned to him.

Forty-two seemed to be a number that would permanently embed itself into his memory. Forty-two days was more accurate. Forty-two days. Forty-two days. Forty-two…

He couldn't bring himself to understand it. They had actually only been on the island for forty-two days. To him, it seemed a lot longer than those simple six weeks. He didn't know why, but there were a million questions he wanted answered now that he knew how long it had been.

How in the world did all that happen in that little time? Two had died, one had come home near that fate, and all innocence had been lost. Thinking back on it, the guilt was overwhelming. Nausea made itself well-known once again, and he laid his head on the desk.

Noting the way the class had reacted to seeing him, he imagined they knew all that had happened. It really didn't surprise him, word had always traveled quickly in this school. How could it not, when everyone not only had class, but lived within a one mile radius of each other. Of course he couldn't expect this to stay quiet. He was Jack Merridew, once labeled the most popular kid in school. He would be surprised if the drama department didn't create a play for the incident. One thought of him getting on stage to reenact what he had done on the island was enough to bring unwanted tears to his eyes.

He really didn't know how long he was sitting there with his head down until the bell signaled the end of a fifty-minute period. He rose slowly and, carrying his pack on one shoulder, filter into the hall with the rest of traffic.

He kept his head down for most of the walk to his next class, looking up only twice to watch out for some of the upperclassmen. The first time he was clear, but the second time his head came up he stopped dead in his tracks.

He felt his breathing grow quicker and more shallow. His head swam with this new sight that had appeared before him. Dark hair and skin that contrasted greatly with his own looked back at his with tortured brown eyes. The body was beaten, wounds pouring blood onto the clean school floor and being washed away with waves not much different than those on the island. Swirling around the double sharpened spear.

"The beast is out there, Jack." The vision said to him. It didn't move; it just looked up at him through long, tangled bangs.

"There's no beast." Jack warned. He knew something was really there, but wouldn't admit to it now. He tried his best to deny what he knew was true. That something really did exist, only a lot closer than any of them could have ever imagined.

"You knew." The vision said, its voice monotonous.

"It was an accident. An accident I tell you!" Jack was only vaguely aware that he was screaming. The children of the school had long since faded from his conscious mind.

"You'll never wash my blood from your hands."

Jack, with lack of better ideas on what to do, panicked. His vision blurred with tears and his knees gave out. He landed on the ground with a sickening crack. His head smacked against hard tile floor, and the last thing Jack saw was the menacing smile of the beast. The beast who remembered by the name of Simon.

**Note: I just wanted to clear something up... in this story(or at least in my mind) the boys are really about fifteen or sixteen. I know that's not true in the book, but you know... if you want to still think of them as their ages in the book, then more power to you...**


	2. Of Dreams and Dreamers

**Disclaimer: Let me check :shuffles through various objects on desk: Nope, I still don't own it. **

**Note: Hey guys... glad to be back. I hope you liked the first chapter, if not I'm sorry. Well, here's the next one. **

Chapter II: Of Dreams and Dreamers

"…_The nightmares have come to me relentlessly… those nights…that boy…he haunts me even now…no one knew who he really was…that Christ-like figure had everyone fooled…who was going to criticize his judgement…who would criticize the murdered…"_

-Jack Merridew

The ocean moved with an unseen storm of wind and rain. The temperatures had dropped and the sun had fled long before this moment on the island. The smell of salt water and seaweed was more than overwhelming as the tide pulled in. The darkness surrounding, and the frigid water swirling around his feet, Jack Merridew stood fast against the gale in his attempt to rid himself of his thoughts.

Lately he'd had to do this more often, when thoughts of home would be prodigious and he found himself on the brink of tears. He would escape the huts, and the boys who snored louder than they sang, and go to the ocean to clear his head.

It didn't always help. Sometimes, he would sit and look out to the sea for hours without ever feeling better. Those were the nights when he thought more and more about hunting and ways to finally get some food. That was what he blamed it on: food. He didn't have enough food in his system and that made his head all funny like.

That was what he was doing now; sitting and thinking about better ways to hunt for the pig he so desired. He was trying everything he knew. Being a choir boy, not really one partial to camping and doing things outside, he was at a loss. Maybe he wasn't the right person to be doing the hunting. But it left him with the leadership role that he had always wanted. Everyone was looking up to him to keep them alive.

The pressure seemed enough to destroy him.

"You worry too much." Jack heard a familiar voice whisper and strong arms wrap around his waist. He hadn't expected the boy behind him to be so strong and built, but he was wrong and he knew it now. He unconsciously leaned back into Simon's chest.

"Maybe you don't worry enough." Jack mumbled. As much as he wanted to stay in the older boy's arms, he decided it was better if he walked away. Shaking off Simon's grip of his waist, he twisted around to look at the brunette's face. A wicked grin graced Simon's lips. It was a smile that he knew no one on the island besides he had ever seen. No one thought Simon capable of such an expression.

Jack averted his eyes away from the older boy's bare chest, only to look back up at it. He had made a nasty habit out of staring at it.

Simon chuckled at Jack's feeble attempts to avoid his feelings. He really was a cute boy when he got nervous. Simon reached out and stroked Jack's cheek gently, his grin returning when Jack leaned his lips closer to the palm. Small shivers ran up the brunette's spine at the feel of such soft lips caressing his skin. He wondered vaguely how it would feel to have them on more than his hand.

Jack wasn't surprised when Simon's gentle hand turned roughly and jerked his head up to meet the other's lips. He was expecting the rush of blood to his head when Simon pulled him closer and started kissing his neck. Everything that started soft always turned forceful with Simon. The other boys didn't know what they were talking about when they said that Roger seemed violent. They didn't know Simon.

Jack's eyes exploded with stars when he felt himself hit the ground. He hadn't even noticed they were falling. Simon's weight wasn't much on top of Jack, but it was still uncomfortable. He squirmed a little under the older boy's grip and pulled his head away from the rocky ground. He blocked off his neck so Simon had to look at him. Simon's anger was apparent and Jack almost lost his resolve. Regaining his composure, he tried to push Simon off of him.

"We can't do this anymore." He said shakily when Simon pushed him back down.

"No one is going to find out," Simon reassured him, "unless you told someone."

"n…no…I didn't tell anyone."

"I can tell when you're lying to me Jack; don't lie to me. Did you tell?"

"No, I swear." Jack could feel his heart start racing. He knew Simon didn't want anyone to know what the two of them had been doing. To tell the truth, Jack didn't want them to know either. That would take his leadership right away from him. Then again, he was the one pinned to the ground now.

"I don't believe you." Simon responded to Jack's promise. "I think you did tell someone."

"No, please Simon, I swear. I didn't tell." Jack's frantic voice rose higher with fear.

Simon sat up, straddling Jack's waist and looking down from dark eyes. They were eyes that Jack had long since burned into his memory. From behind him he pulled a pocket knife, and placed it over Jack's chest. His contemplative expressions told Jack all he needed to know.

"Who did you tell Jack?" Simon asked, tracing a thin line over one of Jack's shoulders. The younger boy winced as the knife broke skin.

"No one." Jack kept to his story. He didn't know what he was going to do if Jack didn't believe him soon. He started remembering all the people in his family who had died before him. He would be the first to be murdered.

"You promise?" Simon asked. He dug deeper into Jack's skin, making blood come to the surface. Jack's pained expressions excited him a little too much. He took the knife away from Jack's shoulder, only to place it on the other one and start again.

Jack could do nothing but cry out in pain as the knife made more and more slashes through his skin. He was only vaguely aware when Simon stopped and leaned down to lick the blood from the wounds. His breathing settled slightly, but it quickened again when Simon pressed their lips together once more. This time the older boy forced his mouth open. Jack choked on a warm liquid that was pouring into his mouth from Simon's. He was only able to just swallow before he realized what it was. Simon was feeding him his own blood. The thought and taste made him sick.

He sat up quickly and was met again by Simon's mouth. His strength quickly waning, he let Simon's tongue dominate his own and fell back to the ground. It wasn't long before Jack's consciousness fled from existence.

**Note: Okay, if any of you are confused, this is a flashback. It's a dream that Jack is having (hence the title) and he will wake up in the next chapter most likely. No, this is not the pairing I am intending for this story. I plan on someone else coming in soon. (can you guess who?) I love reviews. I love them almost as much as I love reviewers. Thanks guys...**

**-Ayumi**


	3. Twilight Memories of a Past Life

**Disclaimer: Nope... :walks off in a huff:**

**Note: Hey guys, I just want to thank all of the reviewers. I love you all! Truly, you are the reason I write. Well, on with the chapter...**

**Twilight Memories of a Past Life**

"…_Sometimes fear can drive people over the edge…they'll do things they didn't expect to do themselves…When I first saw him again I was afraid…afraid that something would go horribly wrong and I would end up being hunted by him again… I wish I could have remained that ignorant…"_

-Ralph

He had not stopped to watch the scene also. The one thing that might be normal in his life right now; a little chaos. Everyone had started laughing, laughing at the crazy boy talking to himself in the middle of the hallway. Screaming even. Something about it being an accident. Something about blood. His voice high pitched in his frightened state, he was a sight for everyone then. The choirboy could scream too.

Ralph had recognized the screaming at once. His ears trained to that voice more than any of the others. At first, he had tensed, going back to a time when frantic screaming was a sign for alarm. He had almost run, had almost escaped his fears. However, in the end, things turned out a little differently.

The screams. They weren't normal at all. Not by his standards anyway, and he knew his standards were pretty screwed up. The screamer was not trying to murder him, he knew now. The screamer needed help. He threw his caution to the wind then, he was needed somewhere. For once.

All day Ralph had gone through the routine set for him. The classes on his schedule were all lined up just like he remembered them. He was to go back to his former agenda and conform back to the civilized boy he had once been. With the exception of getting out of class at anytime to go talk to the guidance counselors. He'd be damned if he found himself there though.

Only when Ralph had pushed his way through the crowd and run almost hysterically to the boy on the ground did people stop laughing. And for good reason. Jack Merridew had stopped screaming, and commenced thrashing on the ground madly. A sight that was no longer funny, but frighteningly dangerous for the young boy.

"What's wrong with him!" Ralph shouted over the many worried voices. He almost made it to the ground beside the seizing boy, before a teacher hurriedly pushed him away. He landed a few feet from the panic stricken staff who were rushing to get Jack to the nurse.

"Everyone go to your next period and stay there." A very loud voice said over the noise of the students. Their principal stood in the middle of everyone with a look of pure dominance. He would get his way as the students continued walking, though now chatting excitedly about the recent happenings in the hall.

Ralph stood as well, turning to walk to his history class, only to stop again. This time it wasn't from the screaming itself, but the effects the screaming had had on his mind. He remained where he was, looking helplessly around to all the students passing them. He screwed his brow in confusion. He couldn't remember the way to his second period.

"Ralph?"

The fair boy turned flipped back around when he heard his name. The principal stood only a few inches away from him, a worried look coming over his eyes.

"Y…yes?" Was Ralph's nervous and broken response.

"Are you alright?" The questions were simple at least. He didn't know what he would have done if it weren't for this. He nodded his head slightly, but it did not seem to convince the older man.

"Why don't you go down to the nurse with Mr. Merridew? You don't seem well at all, and your face is dreadfully pale." The principal's words were soft and gentle.

'Wouldn't want to scare the savage.' Ralph thought with contempt. He nodded his head anyway and followed behind the man until they reached the nurse's office just down the hall.

He was ushered into the small room, the smell almost overwhelming him. He remembered such a stench when he had come home from the island and had been taken to the hospital for observation. All of the children had stayed for a few nights.

"Another one?" A tall, thin woman said coming out of one of the back rooms. Ralph tried to get a peek at what was back there, but wasn't able to see anything.

"I think it best if Ralph stayed with you this period, Julie." The principal said while squeezing Ralph's shoulder in assurance. Ralph looked to the ground, his face reddening at such a recognition.

"Take him back there to the other island boy. Mr. Merridew has stopped seizing now. I think he'll wake up in about an hour." The nurse, Julie, said calmly.

"What should we do about that?" The principal asked, still not letting go of Ralph's shoulder.

"Well, inform his parents for one. The doctors said this was likely to happen with at least one of the boys, I'm not surprised it happened to that one actually." She looked to the room she had just come from, "His seizures aren't consistent enough to put him on medication, so they want us to keep him here. He really doesn't need to be missing anymore school. So I guess we just wait this out and see how he feels when he wakes up."

Ralph didn't know what to think. By the sound of things, this wasn't the first time Jack had had a seizure. He wondered vaguely if he had seen any such episode by the redhead while on the island. He hadn't, so he came to the quick decision that these were a recent development in the younger boy.

"Alright," the principal gently pushed Ralph to the back room, where he figured Jack was now. He was left to open the door himself and step inside. He looked back to the adults in the office. They just smiled reassuringly at him.

Closing the door behind himself, Ralph traveled the short distance between the entrance and the small cot across the room. He could see Jack's unconscious form lying almost peacefully on it. He knew the younger male was far from peaceful at the moment though. He had seen the thrashing of his limbs, heard the sound of his frightened screams. No, Jack was not peaceful.

He sat down on the edge of the cot. His weight along with Jack's made it sink only slightly. He hadn't realized they were so weightless, but this put it all into perspective. They had all become almost featherlike in there absence.

He looked to Jack. The boy's short-sleeved shirt showing off pointed elbows and an arm that was far skinnier than Ralph remembered it being, even before the rescue. Jack had become steadily worse since leaving the island, that much was clear. Yet, why would something like that happen? Why would Jack's ailments get worse now?

He found himself drawn closer to the boy laying beside him. Rubbing a nimble finger up from Jack's finger to his elbow, he laid down also. He swallowed hard against a lump in his throat.

This was the boy who had, just a few weeks ago, been chasing him through an unflawed forest. Who had set that same unflawed forest ablaze to find and kill him. He was afraid of this boy, yes; and yet, he felt unmistakably close to him. A sort of force drawing them closer and closer, yet farther and farther from the so-called typical world.

This is what he had been waiting for. This is what he had wanted.

Then why did he feel so out of place now? Why did he feel this urge to cling to the boy who only reminded him of that godforsaken place they called an island? Jack was his only reminder to a deranged normalcy they had all gotten used to, and he didn't quite want to let it go.

He felt his eyes get heavier and sag under their own weight, how little it was. He fell asleep soon, his arm encircling the thin boy beside him tightly.

**Note: Let me put a few things out there that are running through my mind...**

**1. I am so American it's sad. So my slang for this fic is definitely going to fit in with my lifestyle a lot better than what it would with the boys'. **

**2. I am not a medical expert, so Jack's problems may not be solved realistically. The ideas will not be too entirely absurd, but I can almost bet you some of my information is going to be incorrect. I have no previous experience with seizures so I don't know exactly how they work and what the doctors would do. **

**3. This fic is set closer to the current century, so most things will revolve around year 2006. Not that I think the 50s weren't interesting, but I didn't live back then. It's just easier to stick to something I know well.**

**Well, I guess that's it. I just ask that you keep those things in mind while reading. I don't want people to think I'm a total idiot for thinking I know what I'm doing. I know I don't know. HA! Funny sentence. Well, thanks for reading. I honestly love you all.**

**-Ayumi**


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